WaterFront Meeting

Design Matters: The Providence Waterfront/Old Harbor District
WHERE: RISD BEB, ROOM 106-- 231 South Main St, Providence, RI
WHEN: Monday, 5/22 5:30-9 pm
COST: FREE-- PLEASE RSVP BY CLICKING HERE

SPACE IS LIMITED Registration does not guarantee you a seat. Arrive early for best seating.

Please join the Rhode Island Chapter of the AIA for a fascinating and educational evening looking at the following:

HISTORY of the 195 Relocation and Old Harbor Project
OBJECTIVES and PLANNING PRINCIPLES of the Original Old Harbor Plan
DESCRIPTIONS of Components Being Built
VISIONS of the Area over the years
FRAMEWORK FOR THE FUTURE.

If you have questions, you should contact R. Drayton Fair by email

But will he survive... Inside?

One of Rhode Island's most notorious villains (Richard Hatch, original survivor winner) is being held in protective custody in prison while awaiting sentence.

I think it would be awful, but bizarre to have a Survivor... Alacatraz where the survivors are in prison. Kind of like Oz, but with prizes.

Okay, I know it's twisted, but it would be funny/bizarre.

(As equally twisted as Survivor...Plaza Hotel where you get voted out for ordering the wrong wine, not using the salad fork, and throwing a so-so high tea.)

Motif Magazine- Now Online!

Motif Magazine,Rhode Island's newest free Arts weekly, has now, finally got an online presence. They offer all the A&E info you’ll need enhance your cultural experience.

One of the key new things Motif Magazine has created is a section called “Get Out.” You’ll find a large icon on their main web page. Click on it, and there’s a long calendar of live Music, Theatre, Art exhibits, Indie Films, etc that their staff says are some of the area’s best.

Motif really focuses on local arts and local news, and is an excellent source of information about what's going on. They've been very supportive of local arts organizations and artists (including Bright Night, and I highly recommend that you check them out online-- http://www.motifmagazine.net

Proudly, I'm Publicizing Something... Call for Submissions

PIPSWORKS

The Providence Initiative for Psychogeographic Studies (PIPS) is looking for experimental projects in contemporary urban exploration and public art. Provflux brings together a wide range of artists, thinkers, and thrillseekers for a weekend of interventions, discussions, explorations, and citywide entertainment.

The projects can take any form, providing it engages notions of urban space and the public's interaction with it. Interventions, actions, urban installations, presentations, and any other projects of this nature will all be considered. All disciplines are encouraged to submit material.


Deadline is May 1.  
To submit, visit www.pipsworks.com

PIPS could also mean People Involved in Providence Sculpture, Personages Invading Public Schools, and/or Popular, Interesting, Persuasive, and Sexy.

Part of the pips AESTHETIC is fluidness of meaning, and a sense of humor about the work.

I haven't been to any of the other festivals, but I'm going to try to be at this one!


More about PIPS

Providence Chamber of Commerce and Arts & Business Council of RI Part ways

Interesting things afoot-- the Arts & Business Council of RI (ABC/RI) very ably run by Peter Bramante, a former dancer with Groundwerx) and the Chamber of Commerce are splitting ways.

ABC/RI is the founder of ArtTix, which recently lost its chief staff member/developer-- Richard DeFlumeri, who left to take a great job with Yale University. ArtTix is a much need resource for RI theatres and artists, and there would be a big hole in the theatre world of RI if ArtTix couldn't continue. (Not to mention all of the other good programs that ABC/RI runs)

As the article says-- the independence will be good, but fundraising will have to increase. "Fundraising will have to increase" is sadly a familiar restrain in the local arts world lately.

From the article:

Charles T. Francis, chairman of the Chamber’s board of directors, said in an interview last week that the organization will no longer fall under the governance of the Chamber, which has provided an office and services to the council since its creation nearly 17 years ago.

“The Arts and Business Council and the Chamber have decided to go separate ways,” Francis said. “We wish the council the very best … I think they would like their independence, and we’ve helped them to get their independence.”

Council Executive Director Peter N. Bramante said the group views the change as a positive one that could give it a greater, re-energized face in the community.

“We’ve been grateful for our affiliation with the Chamber,” Bramante said. “That connection to the business community has been an important one that we think will continue. But now, we will be a direct go-to for the business community and our member organizations.”

The most immediate and physical change resulting from the divestiture is the location of the council’s offices. In the upcoming weeks, the council will complete its move from the Chamber to the Dorrance Street home of ArtTix, a service of the council that provides information, marketing and ticketing services for arts and cultural organizations in the region.

The council’s advisory board, which includes several past and present members of the Chamber’s board and staff, will become a governance board with power over the council’s direction. James DeRentis, executive vice president of retail banking and marketing for Bank Rhode Island, will serve as chair of that board, Bramante said.

The level of the members’ involvement also will likely increase, he said.

“I think the independence that comes with this divestiture from the Chamber is going to create a greater investment from the members on the board,” Bramante said.

Other changes are not immediately known. Bramante said the arts council would lose the services provided by the Chamber, and fund-raising efforts will have to increase as a result.

Read Full Article in Providence Business News (Note-- Articles are not archived for long-- read quickly!)

See the ABC/RI website

The Prize is Right Extravaganza on March 5, 2006

The Providence Hebrew Day School is having a fundraiser on March 5, 2006. It features great klezmer music, food, a silent auction, and lots of other stuff. To find out more visit http://www.phds-event.com

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NEW YEAR'S EVE HEADLINERS WON'T DROP THE BALL

Sensational Jugglers The Passing Zone to Perform
for Bright Night Providence

PROVIDENCE, RI., 12/3/05
This year Bright Night Providence, the artist-run New Year’s Eve Festival now in its third year, will feature two men with rather unusual credentials. Yes, they have 5 Guinness world records between them, have shared the stage with such celebrities as George Carlin, Penn & Teller, Bob Hope, and Tony Bennett, and have been featured on film and television, but their real claim to fame is their remarkable ability to juggle and manipulate three running chain saws. Yes, real, running, gas-powered chain saws.

The men are Owen Morse and Jon Wee, and they have been performing their blend of juggling comedy together as The Passing Zone for over 17 years. “We met at a juggling convention in 1986”, says Wee, “and neither of us wanted to get a real job.” The duo have been juggling together ever since.

"The Passing Zone is one of the top juggling acts in the country" says Adam Gertsacov, director of the festival. "I met them this summer in Boulder Colorado when we were performing at the same festival. They were a big hit in Boulder. What I thought was so amazing about their act is that not only are they phenomenal jugglers, they are also incredibly funny. And when I saw their finale (a chainsaw-juggling ballet), I knew that The Passing Zone was something that would really rock Providence.”

“Their eyes lit up when I told them about our homegrown New Year’s Eve festival,” Gertsacov adds, “They were really excited about the artist-run aspect of Bright Night. "

“We are really looking forward to our shows in Providence,” says Morse. “Bright Night seems like a great way for people to get out and have fun, and our show is perfect for people of all ages."

The Passing Zone will perform three shows in Providence as part of Bright Night. In addition to the chainsaws, they will also juggle bowling balls, Chia pets, Garden Weasels, Thighmasters, and just about anything else they can throw. The shows will be performed at 6, 8, and 10 pm. Your Bright Night ticket (a Tyvek wristband) will guarantee you admission to one of those performances, plus more than 50 other performances at 17 other venues throughout the day (on a space available basis) For a complete schedule of performances, visit http://www.brightnight.org


Tickets to Bright Night will be available in early December at www.ArtTixRI.com, and available at all BankRI locations. all OOP! stores, and at the EastSide Marketplace . For more information about tickets call 401-621-6123 or visit http://www.brightnight.org
.

To find out more about the Passing Zone, visit http://www.passingzone.com.

Demolition and Destruction on Westminster

There's been some amazing changes on Westminster (site of the former Traveller's Aid Building. They are tearing down the whole block, and going to put up a huge parking lot with retail on the sides. It's a NY style parking garage, I think, and desperately needed in the area. I believe the owners of the lot are Cornish associates

http://www.woneffe.com/ has some great demolition shots, one of which is below.

Visit http://www.woneffe.com/

My 104 year old Grandmother's Multimillion dollar idea

What kind of multi-million dollar idea can a centenarian hatch? Read and learn. It's a slightly long story,a tale of love, family, and the spunk of one very sharp old lady.

My 104 year old grandmother (who passed away in December 2004) was a really sharp lady. She had an eighth grade education, but was smart and funny and educated and ... she had moxie. She basically owned her own pearl stringing business for over 50 years, and as a single mother raised her three children in poverty during the 1930's 40's, and 50's.


She was a woman with a curious mind, who was always wondering about the world. In 2003, she came up with the idea for a new kind of men's dress-shirt - one that didn't have buttons ("Men don't want to fiddle around with the buttons in the morning," Granny would remark). She talked to one of my brothers (the one that went to the Harvard Business School) about this as a business idea. After lots of work by seamstresses in three countries, a prototype of the shirt was made and ultimately approved by Granny. Unfortunately, she passed away before she could see the shirt in production. (There's more to the story, and you can read the whole thing on the website www.grannyshirt.com)

The shirts are now ready, and are being sold as an entrepreneurial memorial to Granny.

Why would you want to purchase a Grannyshirt?

The Grannyshirt has style- its kind of a cross between a Cuban "Guayabera" and an Indian "Kurta" - you could wear it out for a nice evening on the town or for business casual.

The Grannyshirt is custom-made - our own professional tailor in Thailand will make one just for you, in your size and in various colors. You just pick what you want and we'll have it custom-made, then shipped to your door.

The Grannyshirt is made of a light fabric, perfect for any season and, although designed for men, it is a loose-fitted shirt, so women can wear it too (order one size smaller).

The Grannyshirt has an amazing story - it will be a great conversation starter when somebody asks you "Hey, where did you get that cool shirt?"

10% of every Grannyshirt purchase will be donated to a charity in Providence, RI (the city where Granny was born, lived and died) The charity will help people fight their way out of poverty-- which is exactly what Granny did.

The shirts are reasonably priced at $60 each (this price is a family and friends holiday price-- orders must be made by November 25 to get them in time for the holidays.

If you'd like to find out more about the shirt, visit the website www.grannyshirt.com

Blood From A Turnip

Blood From a Turnip, Rhode Island's oldest late night puppet salon, starts its
NINTH season on Friday November 18th at 10pm at its customary home at Perishable Theatre, 95 Empire Street, downtown Providence.

Join hostesses Vanessa Gilbert and Marsian as they present the widest range in puppetry for adult style people, ranging from the video ventriloquism of BfaT
favorite Evan O'Television to the puppet pastie moves of burlesque artist Lady Miss Iris. Physical theatre performer Marya Errin Jones and reluctant puppeteer,
BfaT founder Vanessa Gilbert, will show object works in progress. Fall River native and sock puppeteer Dan Goldrick, will provide charming and personable musical interludes. An eclectic program for eclectic times.

All seats are $5-10pm show, doors at 9:30pm-no reservations taken.

Visit perishable.org for slightly more information, but more importantly, just show up! You'll have loads of fun

Denny Crane to attack Rhode Island

At the end of last night's episode of Boston Legal, Denny Crane, the often bizarre attorney that has a penchant for cigars, women, and rightwing political causes (not to mention an alleged case of Mad Cow Disease) is asked what he would do if he were Mayor of Boston. Crane, played by William Shatner (in a turn totally unlike his Star Trek days), replies "Oh... I don't know.... attack Rhode Island. It's small."

If you don't watch the show, I suggest you do. It's quite good. The combination of TV veterans Candice Bergen, Shatner, and film eccentric James Spader, makes for a funny and interesting evening of television.

WorkHouse Theatre Presents New Work

A new physical theatre company started by Dell'arte Grad (my alma mater) Stephen Buescher, is presenting a new work at the Carriage House Theatre this week. It's based on the myth of Jekyll and Hyde. I haven't seen the work, but if it's anything like a Dell'arte show, it will feature bold physical choices, innovative use of language and set, and great intensity. I'm looking forward to it!

November 10 - 13, 2005 8:30pm
The Carriage House Stage
7 Duncan Road, Providence
Tickets are $15 General Admission and $10 Student/Senior
For reservations please call 401-215-0990.



[FROM THE PRESS RELEASE]
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde are characters as familiar to us as any in a fairly tale, referenced so often in the English language the pair have become metaphor, cliché, cartoon—a well-meaning experiment gone terribly wrong. But Sawbones is not your grandma’s Jekyll and Hyde, sprinkled with the genteel delight of Victorian fainting. Sawbones is a return to the mysterious, sensational, and gruesome, true nature of the story. Workhorse’s piece of physical theatre abandons the typical notion of forcing Stevenson’s disordered tale into a sequential narrative. The ensemble invents a whirling incarnation more aligned with the ideas found in Stevenson’s original novella— as if Stevenson feverishly dreamt the story before writing it down. Like the warped neural fabric of the dreaming mind, Workhorse presents a story that leaps out of sequence, crosses the time line, and rips open the hidden corners of Dr. Jekyll’s thoughts. Using song and sound scape, original and found text, and movement, Workhorse transforms a pedestrian world of seemingly everyday events, exposing Jekyll’s deliciously vainglorious stumble toward oblivion.

The Ship Street Canal

Paul Pawlowski, Rhode Island based architect, has a bold and exciting concept for what to do about the area that will be "reclaimed" when I -195 finally gets moved (and no, his concept is not to leave it up as a Providence version of the Jamestown Bridge).

He wants to build a canal to be called the Ship Street Canal-- to create more waterfront in our city. It will stimulate business, it will encourage tourism, and it will continue to re-create Providence as a city of the 21st century with 19nth century roots. He's created an entire proposal/presentation, and it's a proposal worth viewing. (The proposal won a merit award from the AIA/RI)

You'll have an opportunity to view the proposal/presentation yourself on November 15th at 5:30 pm, when the Jewelry District Association's Canal Committee hosts Paul and his presentation at 116 Chestnut Street, Unit L.

If you are interested in attending, you should contact Peter McClure or Phoebe Blake at 401-454-3699.

Hope to see you there!

Trinity Rep names new artistic director

FROM THE PRESS RELEASE

Trinity Repertory Company's next artistic director will be Curt Columbus, board chair Buff Chace announced today. The board of trustees unanimously ratified the search committee's recommendation in a special meeting on October 30th. Columbus, 40, is the associate artistic director of Chicago's Steppenwolf Theatre, and artistic director of Chicago's summer Theater on the Lake. A Yale graduate, he teaches at the University of Chicago and DePaul University. He is a respected director, writer, dramaturg, and translator/adaptor of major Russian works such as Crime and Punishment. (which recently ended a run at The Gamm Theatre in Pawtucket.)


Columbus will choose the plays for Trinity's 2006-2007 season, which will be announced this winter. Columbus' appointment is a dual one: Trinity Rep's artistic director is chair of the Brown/Trinity Consortium's graduate programs in acting and directing. He will begin work in January.

READ THE REST OF THE PRESS RELEASE. (PDF)

Trinity Rep Website.

Perishable Theatre Director Steps Down

The Providence Journal recently reported that Jason Nodler, the newly appointed director of Perishable Theatre has stepped down after four months on the job. Apparently, Perishable's finances were a little bit different than he expected, and he felt that he couldn't continue with his planned course of action. He directed one play while at Perishable which closes tomorrow night. (To purchase tickets, visit ArtTixRI)

While I don't really know the inside story at Perishable, this reminds me very much of Anne Bogart's entrance and departure from Trinity Rep. (This happened in 1988-89)

Anne Bogart also had a "different idea" of the finances of the theatre when she took over (although to be fair, part of that was caused by her producing 8 dark and depressing plays in a row, which started a precipitous drop in theatre subscriptions)

Both Anne and Jason had excellent pedigrees from the artistic side-- Jason had co-founded an amazing Houston theatre Infernal Bridegroom, and had helped to raise it from scratch. His concept was to do something similar with Perishable-- re-create the energy and excitement that has made Infernal Bridegroom one of the small theater success stories from around the country.

But Providence is not Houston-- we are much smaller, much less population, and much more (dare I say it) provincial in our beliefs (the nice way to say it is SET in our ways)

It's really difficult to replace somebody who has come to exemplify or personify the theatre to funders and to theatre goers. When Adrian Hall stepped down, and Anne Bogart took over, it was a momentous job for her to replace him-- he had been there for 20+ years-- and it was hard to imagine the theatre without him. And subscribers, funders, and even board members couldn't warm up to her--

I believe that a similar situation has happened at Perishable. Mark Lerman was the heart and soul and living body of Perishable-- the glue that hung it all together. Replacing him requires somebody who is capable of being that glue, and the question remains-- who is the person who can do that, but in their own way. It took Trinity a while to find Oscar Eustis (Dick Jenkins came in as the director and helped right the boat, but it was Oscar, who spent a lot of time fundraising, and less time directing shows, that made Trinity back into the healthy financial institution that it is now.

Whoever Perishable chooses as their NEXT artistic director, they have a tough job ahead of them. They really need to glad-hand the funders, and show that they have the energy, fundraising skill, and personality to keep Perishable vibrant and alive. And they have to show that they have their thumb on the pulse of the audience. Jason had the artistic pedigree, but having never seen him work the room, I don't know if he had those chops, and it's possible he was never given the chance to display them.

If I were to choose somebody as the next artistic director (and indeed, if you had asked me last year who should be the artistic director), I'd suggest Vanessa Gilbert, who was the associate artistic director at Perishable for a number of years, the recent director of the Magdalena Festival in Providence, has a good handle on how Perishable works already, and is a familiar name and face to the Providence theater and funding scene. Of all the local people in town, she'd be my first choice . (Not that Perishable has asked me for my opinion.)

Perishable is a great theatre, and serves an important role in the local arts scene. It would be a LARGE SHAME to see it (pardon the puns) go bad just as it starts to ripen.

Please note: Years ago, I was an actor with Perishable theatre, and worked extensively there. I occasionally do continue to perform there. (My Punch and Judy show was performed at Perishable last year). The above is just my opinion, and contains no real "insider knowledge."

Waterfire Halloween Story Extravaganza

It may be chilly, but the stories will be hot -- and spooky.

On Saturday, October 29, starting at 7pm, the American Story Theater will produce the final installment of WaterFire Presents Tales for October. We've moved the stories later, and added a 10pm show!

All events are free, and there will be chairs and carpeting to sit on.

Storytellers include Jeanne Donato, David Mello, Mark Binder, Marvin Novogrodski, Jeanne Jordan Bent, Marilyn Meardon and Carolyn Martino

Shows will be at 7, 8, 9 and 10 pm. The early evening shows will be more family-oriented, and the later shows will have a more mature content.

(Please do NOT bring kids to the 9 and 10 pm shows unless you're willing to be responsible for their nightmares.)

More details are at americanstorytheater.org


More information about WaterFire is at http://www.waterfire.org

Acupuncturist emerges in Providence

An acupuncturist has moved into my building, and I thought I'd point out her services. She is a licensed Chinese acupuncturist, and in talking to her, one of the things that I really liked is that she wasn't all "space-agey" about the benefits of acupuncture. We talked for a while about the placebo effect, and the fact that some people are going to feel better just because somebody spent an hour or so really talking and listening to them. I'm not denigrating acupuncture or its effects-- I'm sure that there's something to it- but I also think that part of it is just people don't get enough touching/caring/listening in their lives. (Hmmmm.. who's getting all touchey-feeley now?)

Anyway, her name is Dr. Mary Claire Dilks, and her practice is called Emerging Energy Acupuncture Check it out, if you'd like!

Q. E. D. at the RITE Theatre Oct 11-22

RITE, Rhode Island Theatre Ensemble presents QED by Peter Parnell. Nobel Prize-winning physicist, Richard Feynman, holds forth with wit and wisdom in this fascinating play. One of the twentieth century's great physicists, Feynman was also one of its great eccentrics. Not only did he develop the atomic bomb and quantum electrodynamics, buy he played the bongos, frequented topless bars and relished his bit parts in university theatre productions. Chris Perrotti portrays Feynman with honesty, joy and a full understanding of the true character of this great man.









QED opens October 11 at 7pm and runs Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays at 8:00 pm and Sundays at 7:00 pm through October 22.
RITE is in residence at The First Universalist Church, 250 Washington Street, Providence.

Tickets are $15 & $12. Thursday is Artist Night -- all tickets are $10. Call 383-5146 or log onto http://www.ritetheatre.com

Agriculturalists of RI, Unite!

What: USDA Farm Bill Forum
Date: Friday, October 14, 2005
Time: 9:00 a.m. to Noon (doors will open at 8:00 a.m.)
Place: URI Coastal Institute, South Ferry Rd, Narragansett, RI


The United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) wants to hear the
ideas, concerns, and advice of those in the local agricultural community.
The USDA is conducting Farm Bill Forums across the country as part of a
nationwide listening tour in preparation for the 2007 Farm Bill. These
Forums are designed to allow the public an opportunity to share their
opinions with the USDA on key policies or programs within the Farm Bill.

Participants are to respond on issues facing the local community such as:

Challenges for New Farmers

Competitiveness

Conservation Goals

Farm Program Benefits

Rural Economic Growth

Expansion of Agricultural Products, Markets, and Research

Seating will be available on a first-come basis for the Forum.

The event will feature a display area on programs offered by USDA, local
agencies and partners. There will also be a USDA Help Desk with
representatives from the Natural Resources Conservation Service, the
Farm Service Agency, and Rural Development who will be on hand to
answer your questions on USDA programs.

You may also provide your written comments at the Forum, via mail, on our
web page at www.USDA.gov/farmbill or via email to farmbill@usda.gov.


For more information, call the USDA Warwick Service Center at 401-828-1300.

The Aristocrats, American Style

I wish I could say I wrote this, but I didn't. I found it on a weblog (link above)

I did title it, though!

The Aristocrats, American style


So this guy walks into a talent agency and says to the agent, "Have I got an act for you! It's a family act, you'll love it."

The agent says "Alright, lay it on me."

The guy says, "Well, first the grandpa comes in, this is in the thirties, mind, deals with the Nazis and makes a ton of money off German banking and mining, see. He gets nailed for trading with the enemy in the war, but it doesn't matter much cause by now his family is incredibly wealthy. His son, the Father, flies a plane in the Second World War and later becomes head of the CIA, then later, vice president, and after that, a one term president. He does a half ass job and gets out, kinda sets things up for later. It's the kid, he's the real lynchpin of the act. It gets better."

The agent nods, doodling on his dayplanner. "Please, continue."

"The kid comes in, and starts off with avoiding Vietnam by getting a nice position in the National Guard, see? But he skips out on that gig when he doesn't need it anymore. Then he runs a series of businesses into the ground. He can't run an oil company, he can't manage a baseball team, tries to run for Congress and fails, he does drugs and boozes, has trouble with basic life skills. But since his daddy's Vice President, or later, President, he gets whatever he wants. Gets bailed out every time. He runs for governor of Texas and wins, and sets a new record for executing people. He likes to joke about the executions, too, mocking the pleas for leniency. 150-odd prisoners go to the chair under the Kid as governor. And the Kid is wearing a cowboy hat and talking in a Texas drawl the whole time, even though he's from Connecticut. But it gets better, this is just the start."

The agent nods, dropping his pen. "Umm.. alright.."

"The Kid doesn't just wanna be a governor, he wants to be President. So he runs for President and.. tough luck, he doesn't win. So get this, his buddies on the Supreme Court have to squeeze him in. They push and push, and finally he's President. He doodles around for a few months and then boom! Some terrorists come in and flatten a couple skyscrapers in New York. Thousands of people die, jumping out of skyscrapers and getting flattened in plane crashes, and the Kid swings into action. He starts bombing where the terrorists are hiding, and looking for them. I mean, wouldn't you? But when he can't find them in a couple months he goes after a totally different country, attacking them 'cause they had oil and his Dad had trouble with them ten or twelve years ago. He says it's because this country was the real guys who flattened those skyscrapers, because they'll do it again with weapons of mass destruction if they get the chance. So the audience is right behind him. Now there's a big ass war right on stage and bombs are flying, people getting killed left and right. And the Kid, you'll love this, underequips the soldiers being sent in, not enough armor, and makes them do police functions in a hostile country for months and months and then years after he says we won the war. And we get to torturing the Iraqis, making them stand around with electrodes on their nutsacks, raping their wives and kids in front of them, attacking them with vicious dogs, pissing on their holy books, and the audience loves it, they clap and applaud. A real crowd pleaser, that sequence. But soon the kid has gotten 1800 American troops killed, wounded thousands more, and get this there were no weapons of mass destruction at all, the whole thing was for oil, and they keep lying about it, lying and lying and lying. And now there's tortured people all over the place. Meanwhile the economy's sputtering along, and another election comes up. The Kid wins this one, by a squeaker, 'cause the other guy wasn't likable enough. So people are starting to question the whole war thing, just a little, and the country we invaded is in the shitter two years later, and nobody wants to leave for fear it'll get even worse. And then.."

The agent leans forward in his chair. "NOW what?"

"Okay, big finish now. A category 4 hurricane comes in and wipes out half the Gulf Coast! Just flattens everything for hundreds of miles around. And the levees in New Orleans break, cause the kid cut the budget for them to finance the war, and the whole city is flooded! Now, the rich white folks got out for the most part, but the poor folks, mostly black, get stuck at the Superdome and the Convention Center by the thousands. And get this, the kid's on vacation so they wait for four days, sleeping in their own shit, starving to death, dying of thirst, we got dead grannies in their wheelchairs and dead bodies lying on the streets and floating in the water, godawful spread of disease and filth, looters running around shooting guns, we got no organization from the government, total chaos. And the Kid, the Kid's in charge and he blames the governor for not signing the proper forms, even though she did. And the Kid turns back offers of aid and says he'll handle it, and that's what he does, he handles it right into the ground. So we got 3,000 corpses in New York, 10 or 20,000 corpses in New Orleans, we got 1800 military corpses quietly shipped home in boxes, we got untold thousands of dead Iraqis, we got Iraq in chaos, we got guys with electrodes attached to their nutsacks and piss all over their Korans, we got New Orleans underwater, we got refugees packing domed stadiums and living in shit, we got five years of blood and carnage and the economy in the crapper, and we got $4/gallon gas. Everyone gets up and takes a bow, except of course the mounds of corpses littering the stage."

The agent is completely flummoxed. Just flabbergasted. "So what the hell do you call this act?"

The guy says, with a flourish, "The Aristocrats!"